Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Movie Review: Revenge of the Sith pt. 2

All right so I have now actually seen it. My first impression: Having 0 expectations weren't quite setting my sights low enough. I will admit, it was somewhat of a self fulfilling prophecy. I didn't think I was going to like it and lo and behold... The New Yorker I think sums this movie up best: "Saying this movie is the best of the Prequels, while true, is like saying that Death by natural causes is better than crucifixion."

George Lucas has done an admirable job of setting his audience's sights so low that he could have had 3 hours of a tap dancing hippo in a tu tu and it would have been an improvement over 'Phantom' and 'Clones'

Emotion was conveyed via background music more than dialogue or acting. And possibly the most annoying trait of this movie is that EVERY scene (100%) had some sort of computer effect in it. There seemed to be no untouched frames in the entire movie. As Greg said, the whole movie seemed contrived so that all the setup that was created in IV, V and VI isn't too blown away by the failed setup of I and II. We knew the plot points going in and at no point does Lucas throw us a curve ball. "Here is the plot" he says in IV, V and VI, and sure enough. There was the plot in I, II and III.

While many reviews have gone Pro or Con Sith, you have heard where I stand. From here on will be spoilers so don't read any more. But what these are, are egreious film errors (continuity or plot) or pieces of the story that just don't make sense. If you have answers please let me know. Until that time I will hold to my original thought: Piccard and Data could have come in and mopped everyone up! TREK RULES!!!!

Spoiler Alert
Spoiler Alert

1. Are all the Wookies dead? How come the Gungans (Jar Jar's people) at least had force fields and blue exploding bowling balls. You want all the wookies to go up against the droid army with just crossbows? No wonder Chewy went from Captain of the Wookie forces to 2nd fiddle co-pilot of a spcae smuggler in 30 years....

2. General Grievous was in charge of teh Droid army. Count Dookie was in charge of Grievous. Palpatine was in charge of Dookie. Why the hell, since he's a sith lord, did he need so much freakin' subterfuge to take control of the senate? He was in charge of the Droids, of the Clones, of the Sith, and one quick wave of his hand and he'd be in charge of the senate... He could have had it all if he just took it by force in about 1/2 the time and 1/8th the aggrivation...

3. The Death star. It takes 30 years to build the first one, but 2 months to build the 2nd?

4. They have the power to go from one end of the galaxy to the other in a matter of minutes but they forgot how to use ultrasounds or even stethoscopes to tell Padme was carrying twins?

5. They have the power to re-attach arms and legs bionically, but they can't do skin grafts?

6. The jedi's have lunch with the most evil sith lord EVAR. They meet with him every day and Yoda is the only one who feels a little uneasy around him? But still not uneasy enough to figure out where he goes to train these hoards of siths running around (Darth Maul and count dookie)

7. the Jedi masters have been practincng their craft for how long? and Yoda is the only one who doesn't get shot in the back? Not a single one of them "senses a disturbance in the force?"

8. K, Why just wipe C3Po's memory. Why not R2D2 too? How come in Episode IV (the first movie) we don't get within the first 10 minutes:
C3Po: "Oh dear, this planet Tattoine looks positively dreadful..."
R2: "beep beep"
C3P0: "What do you mean I've been here before?"
R2: "Beep beep"
C3P0: "I was not built here. I can't for the life of me remember where I was built but it certainly wasn't here..."
R2: "Beep beep"
C3Po: "I was built by Anikin skywalker? Now that's rich R2... I should remember if I was built by Lord Vader himself... And I'm sure Vader has never been to this back water planet."
R2: "beep beep"
C3Po: "We're here to meet Ben Kenobi.. And don't you start in again on how you knew him... You've never met him..."

9. If Leia's mother dies during childbirth then how come Leia can reminise about her in IV?

10. Palpatine tells anikin: "Shut the droids down." He doesn't tell him to destroy them or erase them... How come the rebels don't go and find themselves a huge friggin Droid army and take on the Clone/stormtroopers?

11. Glad to know that a molten moon of some freaky planet has a breathable atmosphere...

12. All right that one was a low blow

13. If the Jedi's use their powers for good and only defence, how come Obiwan and Mace both drew and lit their lightsabres first?

14. Did Palpatine actually create Anikin via mitichlorians?

15. The Most powerful sith EVAR (Palpatine) and his Apprentice who's even more powerful (Anikin) can't feel that Luke and Leia were A) born and B) know where they are? These two infants who are even more powerful in the force than Palpatine and Anikin

16. Obiwan and Anikin have just captured General Grievous's ship. General Grievious, the 3rd most evil person in the universe, but the #1 most publically hated person. With his capital ship on a collision course for the senate, no one decides to blow it out of the sky? Not even that, they come to the most evil person's rescue and put out fires. How come the droids manning the guns didn't keep firing at the 'enemy' ships?

17. If these ships have gravity plating in the floors, how come people slide "up" and "down" depending on the orientation of the ship relative to a planet hundres of miles below?

18. The dialogue between Padme and Anikin:
A: Padme you're so beautiful
P: Only because I'm in love with you...

There was one interesting scene, image-wise. It was on the Wookie planet (special relationship with the wookies I have...). When the Wookies were riding in the Heuey, er, Dragon fly copter, and the wookies were hanging out the side with their gatling guns... er laser Blasters and shooting the Viet Cong... I mean Droids. I've seen the old newsreel Vietnam footage that scene was taking from and it was interesting to see it 100% recreated with Wookies and droids on a computer.

That's all I can think of, but I reserve the right to add more. All in all the most entertaining part of the movie was when the guy three rows behind us woke himself up by snoring too loudly...

So out of 10 stars this movie gets a 2. Not as bad as 'Clones' or the other aweful benchmark movie: Wendigo. But it was pretty bad nonetheless. Shame on you Mr. Lucas. Shame on you.


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